I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
