I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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