My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
