we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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