well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
