would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
