just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
