My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
