why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
