i already hear my dad disowning me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
