What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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