i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
