I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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