so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
