Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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