Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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