You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
