The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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