hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My penis needs a shock collar
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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