I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
