So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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