spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize