now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My Sexting was not on an AP level
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
