the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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