How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
