I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
