I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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