I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
