If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
