the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
