one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
