Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Gay?
German.
Pity.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
