If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize