I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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