I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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