I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
