life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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