I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
