Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
