So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
