ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
