highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
