Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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