Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
