she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I am one with the molecules
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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