Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
