In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize