**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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