i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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