Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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