...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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