if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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