I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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