she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so explain again why im purple
no
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
