Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
