Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
