Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
